DoD Announces New Medal for Outstanding REMFs
Rear echelon troops, PX rangers, pogues and desk jockeys rejoice! Outgoing Defense Secretary Leon Panetta has announced that you, too, will qualify for a snazzy new decoration: The Distinguished Warfare Medal.
Tired of the combat veterans returned from their deployments shoving you against your locker in the post gym? Sick of hearing the trigger-pullers who actually risked their lives overseas, braving Moojie bullets, roadside bombs, mortar shells, dysentery, camel spiders, 120-degree-plus weather, weeks at a time in sub-freezing temperatures, and long hours training Iraqi and Afghan troops brag incessantly about their pathetic contribution to the war effort?
Those days are over. With the new Distinguished Warfare Medal, you can finally pin something to your chest that even trumps those pesky bronze star medals with “V” devices and the wizened combat veterans who wear them. That’s right: The DWM will rank higher on the decoration order of merit list (OML) than the Bronze Star Medal and the Purple Heart. It will fall just below the Distinguished Flying Cross on the OML – a sure indicator that Air Force brass was behind this medal but they weren’t willing to trump their own flyboy awards.
Tired of getting lorded over in the locker room or teased in the coffee area by troops with Bronze Stars and valor devices? The Distinguished Warfare Medal finally lets you one-up these guys – all without having to suffer the inconvenience and indignity of actually showing up in a combat zone.
In fact, you can win one of these babies right in your office in Tampa, Miami, or even Washington, D.C.!
Finally, you’ll get some respect from those foul-mouthed, uppity infantry, MPs, artillerymen, combat engineers, aviators, fuel truck divers, HUMINT operators and other warriors who sullied their hands with foreign soil.
Are they giving you a hard time? Teasing you in the post Baskin-Robbins? Simply pull out your medal, flash one of these babies, and they will totally look at you with newfound respect.